studio 12 Goose Hill, Morpeth, Northumberland. NE61 1TL

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Close House wedding

Close House wedding, Tracey and Jeremy

a tale of bespoke rings. dodgy pens, and fire eaters who set fire to their trousers
what . . ? whose trousers, you ask . . . read on and learn . . . . .

one bridesmaid.
encountered at Traceys sisters house in Darras Hall.

the rather toothless guy behind.
is the brother of bridesmaid
and posessor of a devilish sense of fun
and a rather spectacular lego set.

the little girl sits astride a rocking horse,
which has been decorated with flowers for the occasion.

Tracey, the bride,

caught on the hop, whilst applying makeup
(not that she needed any)
clutching a six foot high wibbly wobbly mirror between her nkees (mis spelt knees)

you may smile - this, is all true.
not a word of a fib, except the hop.

just try hopping with a mirror between your knees.

anyhow - straight to the point.

at this point - a special gift from Jeremy has arrived -
a black pearl on a golden pendant.

Tracey had seen it in a jewellers,
mentioned that she liked it - and - hey presto -
as if by magic -
it was delivered on the wedding morning.

the little feller with the devilish sense of fun looks on !.

(well - the house didn't say that, but the occupants did)

and I hopped off to the Church.

I was told it was a new building - the old one had a fire.

So I went looking for a, well, a new building actually.

after much wandering around the area -
I came across a 200 year old church -
with the correct name - and what's more -
with the correct vicars name.

the only problem being
a small matter of 'new' and '200 years old'

oh - said the locals - it was new when it was built.

doh.

at this point,
I bash my head against a passing lamp post just for fun.

anyhow, we find our best man at the church

notepad in hand, containing state secrets or maybe a 'to do list'

An usher finds a brightly coloured length of rope in the church, he gives it a swift tug . . . and whaddya know.

BONG

oh well - thats' what the string is for . .

Jeremy, the groom out of focus in the background,
already nervous and deep in discussion with the vicar
begins to notice the potential mayhem that the brightly
coloured dangling string could cause
in the curious hands of his usher. . .

We leave the maniac with the bellrope,
we dash out of the door and . . . .

Yes - we have a beautiful girl in a car waiting to come in !

dunno what the ringing noise is though . .

BONG. . . get that man off the bellrope . . .

Not a moment to spare - she swooshes past,
her cathedral length veil pouring past the camera.

So . . the serious bits. do you take this woman . . (aw you know the words)

LOOK GUYS N GALS >>

take a look at those rings.

Jeremy and Tracey had them designed and built
by a little Jeweller in Covent Garden.

well - I'm not sure what the height of the Jeweller had to do with it,

anyway - there's more fun to the right below

when Jeremy is presented with a pen by the good vicar - he's told . . .sign here . . . .

well - the pen kinda works, then it sort of . . . doesn't,
the vicar (an extremely good humoured chappie)

whips out another pen
(known as the emergency pen)  from his ecclesiastical utility belt.
he proudly announces THIS is a pen,

which . . . .err. . . also doesn't work . . . someone mutters 'bugger'.
oops.
this will appear on ecclesiastical bloopers channel on Living TV next Thursday

Nice pens.

the emergency pen is below the original and best . .

Aww. pens aside - our vicar was definitely one of the good guys.
In a film, he'd probably be the folk hero, riding a Harley Davidson motorcycle.
he had everyone in the Church in good spirits with his lovely sense of humour.
hey - by the way - why aren't all vicars as nice as this guy ? God knows . . . .

Above, Tracey and Jeremy hop out - they find a car awaiting,

along with three metric tonnes of rose petals in little paper cones.

owing to the cold ( for t'was a January day folks) we didn't hang around.
out of church - into cars . . . . . vrooom . . . off to the reception at Close House.

Err. this wasn't posed . . . honest . .

well. it was sort of. a little bit posed. maybe a lot . .

heck - it looks good - most of the pictures taken at this wedding werent posed.
the picture to the right for example was definitely not posed.
I'm pretty sure they didn't know it was being taken.

OK then - we can do posed pictures.

anyway - it's fun.

and if it isn't fun -
well - you know the rules . . if it isn't fun - don't do it !

Little bridesmaid falls in love with groom

hey - gerroff

he's married !

OK then, well, if you're married, then I can't marry you . . .

so I might as well find something else to do . . .

I shall simply blow bubbles . .

a worthwhile pursuit for a lady of absolutely any age.

a guest unfurls a menu on the table

(on the full size image you can read the words - honest)

anyway - I kinda like this sort of picture,
totally unplanned - it tells a story,

even the guy holding the menu was totally unaware that I was taking it.

More folks seated at tables

also unfurling little paper scrolls,
containing menus.

ooh look - its that little bridesmaid again !

her mum is behind her

later on during the meal - we find that someone has cunningly given the little bridesmaid a game to play

this TOTALLY absorbs her - aww. heck - even without a game to keep her occupied, I can't imagine she'd be much trouble

Never work with children or animals.

when, during the speeches, Jeremy accidentally announces his wife as 'miss'

someone on the floor YELLS that he's made a mistake,and just in case anyone doesn't know where the wiseguy is . .. bride and groom point him out for the benefit of the guests. . . .. heck . . give the kid credit where it's due . . he was right !!

The video guy . a neighbour of Tracey and Jeremy,
grins from a corner - hey - who wouldn't smile at a smart kid like that !

(the man with the video camera works in film,
which probably explains the festoons of wires dangling from his camera !).

Oh heck - it's embarrass the groom time.

the best man to the right

uses the groom in a blonde wig trick to great effect. (below)
you can just make out Jeremy's reaction in the background.

Speeches and a lovely meal now over,

the ladies hop off to freshen up.

as one does - and of course - our little bridesmaid friend
has to be involved with ensuring that the dress and veil
are carried carefully up the staircase.

meanwhile hundreds of guests

(well - lots anyway)

take advantage of alcohol

which results in devilish smiles !

As promised, on come the fire eaters.

these guys - well, a girl and a guy,

put on quite a spectacular show outside

c'mon - you weren't thinking INSIDE were you .
don't be silly - there are curtains and things that might catch fire inside . . .

in the sparky picture tabove - the guy is using an angle grinder on his crotch.
as is the custom in the roughy toughy North East of England.

gosh - it seems to make him smile too !
but just one slip and he'd be speaking in a high pitched voice for the rest of his life.

OH - I nearly forgot -
I managed to capture the moment when the fire eater set fire to her trousers.
the spark of ignition is in the picture above -
she spun around - and in the picture below
the flames ran from her trousers to her chest.

It all happened really quickly - and to be fair -
I was concentrating so hard on photographing it -
that I only realised what had happened when she started trying to put the fire out. VERY IMPORTANT INFO - she was not hurt.

the picture above shows what happens
when you drink lots of whisky and then light a cigarette . . .

aw nuts, Im useless at fibs . . .

it's a fire eater breathing flames.

The evening concludes
in a spectacularly romantic dance

involving - who else but Tracey and Jeremy.

thanks for the fun guys.

and the whopping big steak sandwich
at the end of the evening.

that was totally unexpected,
there was no need for it at all.

but heck - it really hit the spot !